Friday, August 17, 2007

Friday's Cover: Wannabe

Responding to a trade ad asking "R U 18-23 with the ability to sing/dance? R U streetwise, ambitious, outgoing and dedicated?" five young ladies felt they were, could and emulated the given criteria. Victoria Adams, Melanie Brown, Melanie Chisholm, Geri Halliwell and Michelle Stephenson formed a group named “Touch.” Michelle sucked ass and was replaced by Emma Bunton. They then switched their management, their group name and the glory that was to become the Spice Girls, with the cerebral and esoteric mind of Simon Fuller, began to gel and develop their trademark sound. I was going to try and do a serious write up on the Spice Girls but then I sobered up and didn’t seem like such a great idea.

Anyway, I think Ginger is the only one I’d still bone. I guess Baby is cute too but I’m not really a blond guy. Sporty became Girthy spice as did Eddie Murphy’s baby's mama who, quite honestly, now looks like a transsexual hooker as well. Posh, who I liked when her boobs were the same size as mine for some weird reason that I don’t care to look into, was a favorite of mine until she turned into an animatronic reject from Madame Tussaud’s House of Whores. Thankfully they have announced a greatest hits record with a few new tracks and an upcoming tour. I have to go change.

So they did that song “Wannabe” which was released in 1996 and was linked to kids in Japan having seizures and made many a reluctant penis to become erect. It was awful.

Oddly enough that was the same year that heralded the creation of Zebrahead. Now, I was never a Rock-Rap hybrid fan. I think it was maybe done well and put on wax 2 times and was done poorly a googolplex times. Dudes that rhyme in those bands always seem to hold the mic like that scrawny dude from Linkin Park and phallate the mic and spit screamy shite during the break. Zebrahead did this too. Problem was, they were a pretty tight band without M.C. Suck-a-doo-dah. I’ve seen them live a couple times and always had a great time. This is rare with a lot of this kind of gobbledygook, as they normally take themselves far too seriously. Anyway, they covered “Wannabe” and as per norm, the rap sucks hairy, pusstuous testicles but I’ve always enjoyed the rest of the cover. It picks up the tempo and sounds kind of bad ass. But I’ll let you decide.


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